Megan 1/2 - Who am I, what do I want?

Megan 1/2 - Who am I, what do I want?

Hello all
This is not a Bonfirecherry related post, I am going to be talking aspects of my life eg transitioning male to female so this won’t be for everyone.
I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind recently, so much that it kept me awake one night because it was bothering me that much.
This might sound silly, but it was because of a classic anime/manga series from the 80/90s that I haven’t thought about in years called Ranma 1/2.

This series is about a boy who does martial arts who gets cursed when he was training, that if he gets touched by cold water he will turn into a girl (back to a boy when touched by hot water), well this is a short way of describing Ranma.
I’ve always felt “this way” since school, which was the time I discovered manga (the first being Trigun, I always remember buying it in a shop of my hometown of Leeds on a birthday trip there) & Ranma was a series I discovered shortly after.
The series is something that has stuck with me because I suppose if would have been a dream come true back then because I didn’t really have the courage to “come out” (I was around 13/14 at the time) or become something more til a later date.
It is been quite some years since I’ve came across the series again & so much of my life has changed, without a “cursed spring” to make it happen.
It was a few years after when I reached college I started to get more courageous to be more open with my feelings and experiment with things.

 

This is from 2017.

But I still had a long way to go til I was able to be happy with everyone openly.

 


Ironically after a trip to the country where anime and manga is from aka Japan in late 2019 as Matt, I came out publicly as Megan as you can see now.
College left some inspiration on me as when I changed my name (one regret is I just did it without consulting family first) that the name Megan because of a girl who also had blonde hair in my college course was called Megan. This isn’t because a certain someone who is always in the news that people like to think.

 


But I still got a way to go, I’ve been up & down with weight which hasn’t really done much while on hormones part from slight change in emotions & things that are a bit too much info for a blog post.
I was getting somewhere til covid hit & went back to square one.
Only now, I am getting somewhere because I am going to the gym near work, so let see some changes in 2023?
Something big & important happened this week (at the time of this post being published) & that was meeting up someone at Gender Services who helps with voice feminisation. This is something I’ve been waiting for many years, like around 4/ 5 years because there isn’t that much specialist’s in the UK especially around my area plus covid which obviously halted things and let me know the NHS had more important things to worry about for the past few things.
I honestly enjoyed the first time with someone who can help me with my voice.
I have been very lucky going out as Megan, such that I don’t have any issues with anyone saying anything or harass me because I try not to make a big deal of my appearance eg go out in a pink frilly dress and declare I am Megan because I’ve learnt people don’t care what you do unless you make it an issue.
But it’s my voice of mine that often let’s me down, especially when I am at work where everything I wear looks feminine such as my inserts, women’s top etc but when I speak it kind of ruins it.
At times I am not really bothered what people think of me as if I stopped every time someone did, well I wouldn’t be able to do a lot.
I get a mixture of sirs and miss at work, it’s the occasional sit that gets me because of my natural voice but it’s my choice in life which I don’t want to enforce on people so I just have to say “oh well” and move on. I can never really say anything bad about how work is OK with me, they have been very supportive and just feel like I have to say it somewhere in this post.
So this therapy that I’ve been so happy about is something I want to take in seriously because it will help with my life so much.
The appointment I had this week was mainly to get info out me & go over what to expect over the next 6 appointments spread out 2/4weeks at a time. My first proper appointment is next week but in the mean time I’ve got some homework via some voice recording or videos of me saying a few things.
But more about that another time.
Going back to Ranma, something regarding the series that has got me thinking a bit recently is a relationship.


In the series, alongside Ranma and his “curse” is his relationship with a tomboy like girl with the throughout the series if they just stay as fiancé’s (their parents arranged the situation for them) or they will be open about their feelings and get married. In short, they get close to getting married but that’s it, its a huge ass tease even at the end but just imply that they will eventually. Probably why the itch that watching/reading the series again has given me won’t go because, it never gets resolved.
My only relationship was in college & barely lasted that long due to bring a d*ck at the time because I never stopped joking around. I admit I had a lack of maturity at the time and just had to put my life ahead of a relationship in the mean time.
Of course I had a few dates since then and now ( All this as matt) but never really went further than that. I’m 32, I am going getting any older, one of the very few single friends in my circle of friends, I just want some happiness too.
But I am not Matt anymore, I am Megan.
This change in my life has brought its challenges as I can’t really follow the same rule book of trying to find a relationship as before. As I have to point out “what I am” upfront as I don’t want to cause any problems. I admit I don’t really like to give myself titles such as trans etc, I am just me but it just has to be done.
Ranma was able to have a relationship despite his “curse” of having a girl side that he can’t get rid of but he gets used to it.
I’ve got my 2 sides without getting cursed as Ranma did, reality is that I just had to use my courage to bring Megan out.
My girl side is most likely a manifestation of what I think a girl is and how I’ve seen the girls/ladies in my life act.
I know (now, I did think this at the start and it’s been my biggest regret as Ive always got a comment an old work colleague said to me that has always stuck with me, which I do thank her for) that a girl isn’t just someone who is obsessed with boys, shopping and makeup.
For me, I know I will never ever know what a woman is like & go through. I can only be a “tribute” (originally was going to say parody but tribute more of the word I was thinking of) of one but I can lean, respect and improve myself as Megan.
But I am happy as Megan, more than when I was matt, not saying I was happy as Matt as I did and its for that reason I don’t want to hide my past eg all physical and digital pictures of me because that is still me, I’ve just changed a bit like most people do later on in life but I suppose not like this haha.
I’ve got what I need in front of me to help me reach further happiness but I need to work for it eg the weight/hormones, voice and a relationship (not as important as the other two but something for after).
Its been a huge relief to get this off my mind. If it helps someone in my situation or similar to mine in any way then its been great.
Megan

 

 

 

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